Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
