so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
