i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
