So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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