Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if i died would you start the facebook group?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
worst night to have a conscience
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
