I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
