everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
