hell yes lets make some ravioli
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
