well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
