i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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