If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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