Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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