If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
