I wish i was in the wii world.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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