Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
