i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
