wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
