how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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