We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
