I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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