drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
