It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
