At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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