Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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