yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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