He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
