some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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