I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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