just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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