Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
