I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
