I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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