You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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