just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
