glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
