Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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