So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
