So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
