Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
