Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish you could order shots online.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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