oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
