I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
