Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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