Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
