Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
