She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
