So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
