No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
