So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
