I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
